


My Telepathy

by johndorkian



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M, mind-reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 01:37:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12378189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johndorkian/pseuds/johndorkian
Summary: JD inexplicably acquires the ability to read minds, and is determined to track down whoever has been having lewd thoughts about him. Unfortunately, it isn't an easy endeavor, especially in a place as large as Sacred Heart.





	My Telepathy

He's not sure when exactly it started up, or why. It could have been caused by one of the many times he's fallen off his scooter Sasha, or hit his head while searching for loose change under his bed. He doesn’t know. Really, it could’ve been caused by anything. He may be a doctor, but nothing like this was ever covered in med school. He has no idea how to diagnose what exactly he has, or what caused it. All he knows is lately he's been hearing things in his mind--fragmented thoughts that seem to come from people within close proximity to him. 

For instance, Turk is deliberating if he should have brinner again, even though last time he had it he got sick- _'it'll be worth it. Nothing good happens without a little food poisoning,'_ and Carla's finally noticed the remnants of last month's waffles that are stuck to the ceiling - _'it's what I get for living with two boys.'_

It's easy to distinguish between Turk's and Carla's thoughts. JD's lived with the both of them long enough to have a pretty good grasp of how their respective minds work.

It's at the hospital where things start to get tricky.

Luckily, his mind reading ability is only an occasional occurrence. He doesn't get a steady stream of unfiltered thoughts noisily bouncing around in his skull. It's just snippets of thoughts - _‘bested me again you chocolate bitch’_ or _‘just wait for Jesus to go to town on your ass’_ (he thinks the latter might be Laverne).

There didn't appear to be any rhyme or reason behind his mind-reading, but so far JD hasn't found any reason for complaint. His newfound mind-reading abilities are pretty cool. Not stifling or overbearing, though admittedly kind of pointless. He can't control them or choose what he hears, but he's hoping this might change with practice. Maybe one day he could use his newfound skill and make money as a psychic. Or he could perform magic tricks.

_“Is your card the King of Hearts?” he’d ask. The crowd would gasp. Ladies would swoon. Nothing was hotter than a magician who could guess the card on the first try. They’d marvel over his trick, never knowing that it was really mind-reading at work._

“Bambi!” Carla called, snapping him out of his fantasy. “I stopped by pediatrics. Got you a lollipop.”

_Ooh!_ Blue raspberry. “Thanks, Carla. You’re the best.”

“And don’t you forget it.” She sauntered passed him with a wink.

JD peeled the wrapper off the lollipop. He hadn’t had one of these bad boys for two whole days. With a contented sigh, he swirled his tongue around it, savouring every morsel of sugary goodness.

_'-lips wrapped around my cock like that.'_

JD choked on his spit, whirling around to try to pinpoint the source of the intrusive thought. What the hell? That thought had to be about him, right? No one else had their lips wrapped around anything. Unless one of the nurses was chewing on pens, or something? He checked. Nope. The thought was most definitely about him.

"Careful there, Newbie. Might want to watch that gag reflex of yours."

"Oh, no, I just choked on my spit. I don't have much of a gag reflex. Dan used to stick my toothbrush down my throat to torture me. So I'm fairly used to having stuff back there."

Dr. Cox opened and closed his mouth, looking as if he wanted to say something. Whatever it was, he ultimately decided against it, opting instead to excuse himself with a half-coherent explanation. Huh. Strange. What JD wouldn’t give to figure to what was going on in his brain.

With a shrug, JD popped the lollipop back into his mouth. Now, to find out just who was having lewd thoughts about him, and either flirt with them or scold them, depending on their attractiveness. It had to have been someone who saw him with the lollipop, so they had to be relatively nearby.

Unfortunately, Sacred Heart’s workers weren’t known for being stationary. Nurses and residents and doctors bustled passed him in a constant flurry of movement. The culprit could be just about anyone, so it’d be best to interrogate obvious suspects first.

"Elliot, what do you think of my lips?" he asked, intercepting her.

"Oh my god, JD. Have you been stealing my lip chap again?"

"What? No! And what do you mean ‘again?’"

Elliot blew a strand of hair out of her face. "Look, I don't mind you borrowing them, but I found bite marks in my bubble gum lip chap and I'm really concerned. You know those are like, ninety-percent wax, right?"

Mm. Bubblegum. JD shook his head. Focus! Now was not the time to think about snacks.

He brushed passed her. Alright, it appeared Elliot was off the hook.

Wait. Why was he wasting his time asking Elliot? The person had specifically referred to their 'cock,' and JD was familiar enough with Elliot to know she didn’t fit the bill. Unless she had a secret rooster farm, that is.

Now, assuming the perpetrator was male, who could it be? Surely someone who had shown interest in him before? JD wracked his brain. He couldn’t come up with anything. Aside from that one time in college, guys usually didn't seem all that interested in him. Not in a romantic or sexual context, anyway. He was probably too macho and intimidating for them. But there was one person who made sexual advances towards pretty much anything with a pulse. And maybe even some of the bodies in the morgue.

_'Dum de dum dum shiny scalpel. Dum de dum gonna slice him up.'_

"Todd! Hey Todd, wait up!"

Todd brandished his scalpel. "Sorry, but The Todd waits for no one."

"Oh, come on."

"Believe me, I already am."

That didn't make sense. That didn't, did it? He shrugged to himself.  
"Todd, what do you think of my lips? I mean, when you look at them, is there anything else you think of?"

Todd scratched his head. "If you're bored, I know what you could do with them." He looked way too confused to be the perpetrator.

"Never mind."

Todd raised his hand. "Never mind five!"

Don't high-five that it's stupid.

_Dammit!_ JD glowered at his hand. When will you do what I tell you to?

"Newbie!" Dr. Cox barked out. JD flicked his gaze from his traitorous hand to Perry’s irritated visage. "If you're wondering whether or not you have girl hands, I'll save you the trouble. You do. In fact, they are quite possibly the girliest appendages I've ever had the misfortune of observing. Now, would you get back to work?"

"Yessir," JD muttered. He didn't have time to indulge Perry right now. He had a mystery to solve. Before he could set about on his mission, he felt a large hand land on his shoulder. Any other time he would have preened at the physical contact, but there were much more dire matters at hand.

"What's got your panties all in a twist there, Cheryl?"

He sucked in a large breath. "Say you find out someone thinks something about you. Something wildly inappropriate. That could be a good or bad thing depending on who it-"

"Aw hell, it was a rhetorical question. I don't actually want your life story. Just finish your rounds and then help me with Helen."

Ah, Helen. For a decrepit and practically dead comatose patient, she smelled lovely. Like lemon mixed with flowers. JD would have to put his mission on hold. The patients took priority. For now.

After he’d finished with his other patients, he stealthily crept passed the Janitor before stopping by Helen’s room as promised. Dr. Cox was already there.

“Any change in her condition?” JD asked.

“That’s what you’re here to find out,” Cox deadpanned. _‘He has no idea, does he?’_

"About what?" JD asked. Dr. Cox slowly raised his head.

"I didn't say anything."

"Yes you-" _Oh._ He’d have to watch that. He wasn’t sure he was ready to be caught in the act of mind-reading. "Never mind."

"You really are hung up about something," Cox observed. He sounded bored as usual, but JD doubted he would've said anything if he wasn't at least a little interested.

"I've just had a lot on my mind."

"Care to enlighten me?"

"Seriously?"

"It's a one time offer, take it or leave it."

JD worried his lips between his teeth. How could he even explain this? Even he could admit, it sounded crazy.

"Tick tock, Clarise."

JD wet his lower lip with his tongue. Wasn't this better kept as a secret? He hadn't even told Turk, for crying out loud!

_'He smells like mangoes again.'_

Mangoes? Dr. Cox was thinking about mangoes?

"I know what you're thinking!" JD blurted. "I mean, what you think. About me. I know." Okay. That made even less sense.

Dr. Cox set his clipboard down, tearing his eyes from the coma patient to appraise JD. "You know," He echoed.

"Yes?"

"And is it a problem?"  
Why would it be a problem? Perry thought he smelled like mangoes and he totally did.  
"Of course not. I'm actually quite happy." It was nice that others were noticing the mango body butter he'd been using (both as food and as a skin product).

Strangely, something almost akin to a smile played over Dr Cox’s lips. He chuckled, more to himself than to JD. "Of course you are, ya girl."

That's all the warning JD was given before Perry leaned in. Oh no. Maybe he was allergic to mangoes. Or maybe he simply didn't like them. No, no. That couldn’t be it. It had to be the first one. Honestly, who didn't like mangoes?

Perry’s forehead was practically touching his. JD reeled back. “Don’t headbutt me!” He couldn’t risk any impact against his skull. Another whack to the head, and he might lose his mind-reading abilities for good.

“Why would I headbutt you?” Perry seemed truly bewildered.

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“What?”

“It seemed a reasonable conclusion, alright!” JD straightened, trying to look as tall and imposing as possible. “What else would you have been planning on doing?”

"I’ll admit I am a bit of a sadist, but not enough to headbutt you when I could do this."

Perry leaned in again. What was he doing? Did he want to smell the mango body butter up close and personal? JD couldn’t blame him, but it was still outside the realm of normal. Perry's hands cupped JD’s jaw. Alright. Weird, but he could roll with it. Perry held him in place. He was strong, he could probably snap JD’s neck if he wanted to. And yet, strangely, his hands seemed to be shaking a bit.

“Dr. Co-”

JD couldn’t get anything else out before Perry sealed his lips over his. His thumbs smoothed along JD’s cheekbones. His grasp was firm enough to steady the kiss (they were kissing!), but not actually forceful. JD could pull away if he really wanted to. After a moment, he decided he didn't want to. Perry’s lips were soft, which was surprising. JD doubted he took very good care of them. He’d never even seen the older man apply lip chap before. And the air was pretty dry. It would stand to reason that he’d have dry, cracked lips. And yet, he very clearly didn’t. JD could feel that much for himself, which was a fact he wasn’t going to get over for a while.

As suddenly as the kiss started, it ended. Perry broke away, chest heaving as if they’d been kissing for far longer than they had.

“You kissed me.” JD touched his fingers to his lips.

“Stellar observation, Margaret.” Perry’s Adam’s apple bobbed. JD didn’t need to read his mind to know he was nervous. A nervous Doctor Cox. Hah! Normally, he’d pay to see something like that. But the sight wasn’t something he enjoyed seeing, not after what had transpired. 

Aiming for coy, JD peered up through his lashes. “Why did you stop?”

Tension bled from Perry’s shoulders. “I didn’t stop,” he countered. “It was a brief intermission. I figured you’d need time to catch your breath.” JD was about to argue that he wasn’t the one that sounded breathless, when Perry leaned in again, this time claiming his lips with decidedly more force. _Unbelievable._ JD had had to work so hard just to get a hug out of Perry, and now they were kissing, just like that. Not that he was complaining! It was just hard to wrap his mind around.  
Speaking of minds--

_‘Glad Newbie's finally putting his mouth to good use.’_

JD smiled against Perry’s lips. Yep. Mind-reading definitely had its perks.

While he may never discover who was having lewd thoughts about him, he'd discovered something much better in the process.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao im sorry this is dumb


End file.
